Think of Indian weddings and images of Bollywood and Mira Nair’s film Monsoon Wedding invariably come to mind. Looking beyond the colourful costumes, feasting and boisterous celebrations, Hindu Indian weddings are infused with traditional practices and take on hundreds of permutations, depending on the traditions of family, dialect group, and personal preference. Here in Singapore, no matter from which Indian community the newly-weds hail – North or South – celebrations always comprise pre-wedding, actual day and post-wedding rituals.

As a guest, come prepared for plenty of jostling and noise – and wear something brightly coloured. Indian families are especially honoured if a non-Indian guest turns up in Indian traditional dress such as a saree or Punjabi suit. Cash gifts are often welcome – but feel free to ask the couple what they prefer.

A BLESSED ENGAGEMENT

Before the wedding celebrations, some couples may choose to have an engagement ceremony known as roka – a formal commitment of both the families to the marriage. While the number and type of rituals conducted depend on family tradition, a puja or dedication, is often conducted at home or at the temple, one to 15 days before the wedding, to seek blessings and protection for the couple. This may be followed with vratham or fasting by both families to invoke similar blessings.

IT’S ALL IN THE HANDS

The intricate dark whorls of mehendi or henna are among the most essential and auspicious elements of pre-wedding rituals for a Hindu bride. The elaborate designs are made by applying a thick paste of henna to the hands and feet the day before the wedding. Surprisingly there is no religious symbolism behind wedding henna, although the reddish brown dye is steeped in wedding lore. The longer the bride allows the paste to dry, the darker the colour will be, signifying prosperity. It is also believed that the darker a henna tattoo, the more the bride’s mother-in-law will love her. A patient bride who is able to wait long enough for a darker, richer coloured tattoo also benefits in a practical way as she is not expected to do any chores until her wedding henna has faded. Sometimes the groom’s name is included within the designs on the bride’s palm; if the groom’s name is not incorporated, he is said to be less dominant in conjugal life.

THE MOTHER-IN-LAW TEST

Indian weddings abound with small acts and rituals that ‘test’ the commitment of the couple and the ability of the groom to care for his new wife. Don’t be surprised to see the bride’s mother measuring the groom’s chest or prodding him with her hands at some point during the wedding. It’s a quirky ritual in which the mother of the bride ‘assesses’ her new son-in-law’s manliness and ability to protect and care for her daughter. When satisfied, she will mark his forehead with kajal or kohl to ward off evil spirits.

THE GARLAND CEREMONY

Expect several rituals to be conducted during the wedding; while these may vary from family to family, one of the most common is the garland ceremony. Instead of rings, the couple exchange flower garlands – sometimes amid an atmosphere of friendly teasing. The bride tries to place a garland on the groom while the groom’s friends set up obstacles to tease the couple. The bride may likewise enlist the help of her family and friends, resulting in some tussling. The ‘fight’ concludes with the groom finally placing a garland around his bride’s neck, signifying mutual acceptance and respect as lifelong partners.

FRUIT AND MILK CEREMONY

Another common rite is the milk and fruit ceremony. Traditionally conducted at the bride’s home after the wedding ceremony, the married women present will feed the newlyweds spoonfuls of milk and banana pieces, signifying the marriage beginning on a sweet note. In Singapore, this ceremony may be conducted after the garland exchange.

The ‘fight’ concludes with the groom finally placing a garland around his bride’s neck, signifying mutual acceptance and respect as lifelong partners.

ETERNAL FLAME

The main and usually final event that concludes the wedding is the fire ceremony, typically performed by priests in front of a sacred fire amid prayers and guests. If you’re invited to an Indian wedding held at a restaurant or function hall, you may see a little ‘campfire’ in the main function hall. Don’t be alarmed, and feel free to gather around the couple for the ceremony. While the priest conducts the chants of the rite, the couple will tie a yellow string or thali around the bride’s neck with three knots. Friends and family are then invited to throw flowers on the couple. To seal the union, the couple walks around the fire, throwing rice into the fire to keep it burning, symbolising the eternal flame of love.

EAT UP!

After the ceremony, guests are invited to take part in a huge feast. If the wedding is conducted in a temple, the meal will likely be vegetarian, served on banana leaves and traditionally eaten with one’s hands. Don’t worry if you’re not confident of using your hands – cutlery is usually available. Also note that it’s common to sit on the floor while eating; if you’re not sure, just ask. Weddings held at community halls or restaurants may serve meat dishes. In any case, look out for desserts such as payasam or kheer, a sweet rice or vermicelli porridge flavoured with cardomon, raisins and almonds.

Royals for a day

ROYALTY FOR A DAY

A bride upon the pelamin

A Malay wedding is a vibrant, colourful event. The day of the celebration is called bersanding (pronounced ber-sun-deng), which refers to the couple being seated on the bridal couch on a dais. This couch is called the pelamin (pronounced as per-la-men) and symbolises a throne, on which the couple sits. From this vantage point, the couple may view the celebrations and also be admired by guests.

It is customary for the couple to be decked in the traditional dress of royalty – the bride in richly coloured and embroidered dresses and her groom in a matching suit with a dagger (called a kris) at his side.

WHAT TO EXPECT

A void deck ‘decked’ out in wedding drapery, showing the pelamin and a Western-style tiered wedding cake

A Malay wedding normally involves friends and relatives who help serve and host guests

Malay weddings can accommodate guests in the hundreds, or even up to a thousand!

A Malay wedding can be quite informal, beginning in the afternoon and carrying on right into the night; you can turn up and leave at any time. A massive wedding banquet is usually held at the open space below the couple’s parents’ apartment (area known as the ‘void deck’), or at a community function hall near their homes. Cooking is usually done on-site and served buffet-style. Traditionally, dishes will take the form of spicy curries and rice.

Unless you’re a very close friend with duties for the day, it’s uncommon to stay throughout the festivities. And because it’s a buffet, do give up your seat once you’re done with your meal.

Bunga telur are traditional wedding favours

You may not need a suit but leave the sandals at home, unless you’re a Malay pak cik (‘elderly man’). Consider wearing a baju (Malay traditional dress), as it’s quite a common sight for non-Malays to come in traditional Malay clothing, as a sign of cultural appreciation.

At some point, guests will be invited to ascend the dais for a snapshot with the couple. This is where you can convey your wishes, enjoy the photo opportunity, and work the carpet. Cultural performances and karaoke are common entertainment at such events.

Small cash tokens are expected, sealed in a packet and handed to the couple’s parents. Check with friends on the going rate, dependent on venue and your closeness to the couple. Remember to use your right hand when shaking hands with your Malay hosts.

Wedding favours include the traditional bunga telur (pronounced as boo-ngah ter-loor), a flower and an egg, which symbolises prosperity and luck for the guests and fertility for the newlyweds. These days, more couples are opting for practical favours, such as mugs, foldable fans (for the heat) and sweets.

This is just a primer for things to come. If you want to find out more about what goes on at the wedding, don’t be shy about asking your fellow guests!

Don’t be surprised if you see henna painting on the bride and groom’s hands, similar to that in Indian weddings. It’s a throwback to the Hindu Majapahit custom that was practised in the region centuries ago.

An odd pairing – laser dics, music CDs and old shoes

The best time to visit is on a Saturday afternoon. Shoppers, gawkers and traders stroll serenely through a grid of haphazardly arranged street stalls with their gaze pinned to the ground seeking out the tarpaulin gallery. Old shoes, faulty gizmos, knock-off sunnies, scratched CDs, vinyls and laser discs, nets, drills and other bizarre bits and pieces. But it’s not all junk. A plastic case displays a tangle of Buddhist amulets while dog-eared books bake quietly in the heat of the day. Youngsters sporting the best in flea-market chic can also be found sifting through racks of used clothes.

Since the 1930s, the flea market at Sungei Road has had the infamy of being know as ‘Thieves Market” for selling a varied assortment of second-hand goods – not all gainfully acquired. Today, the little street makes a great lazy-day outing.

Prices are not stated, so drive a bargain if you need to, although for some vendors, it hardly seems like it’s the commerce that takes them to Sungei Road, but pride in their eclectic collections, be they grimy TV remote controls, electronic cables or calculators.

Mustafa Centre

A compulsive shopper? An insomniac? Then Mustafa Centre is the place for you. The four-storey emporium sells everyday items as well as household appliances like pots, pans, kettles, and even cars and plane tickets.

When: 7 days a week, 24-hours. Nearest MRT station: Ferrer Road

Space is a premium at Mustafa. Every aisle, every floor is packed to the gills with goodies. The place probably houses one of the largest collections of watches in Singapore.

You can get almost any brand, from $5 Casios to $5,000 Rados. If watches are not what you are looking for, then check out the rows of music CDS and shelves of DVDs, wide range of toiletries, extensive displays of shiny faux gold bangles, or pick through reams of patterned fabric. And if you are still raring to go, check the rest of the floors out. There’s surely something there that you will want. And don’t worry about the time – Mustafa Centre stays open 24/7. You, along with backpackers and the rest of the sleepless in Singapore can stroll through the emporium leisurely and then end your late night shopping foray with a cuppa along any eatery down the stretch of Little India.

Pasar Malam (Night Market)

The Ramly Burger is a pasar malam favourite that requires mastery of the grill

Singapore’s pasar malam (night markets) bear very little resemblance to other night markets in Asia. Here, out-of-towners will probably find the absence of handmade jewellery and affordable artisan crafts rather glaring. Instead, the pasar malam is more of a heartland street fair that sells cheap clothing and toys, kitchen items and plants. What it lacks in whimsy and charm, the pasar malam makes up with a multiracial fare of comfort eats.

Spice it up with Indian vadai, a deep-fried savoury pastry with a whole shrimp buried in the dough, best enjoyed with a crunchy whole green chilli. For about a dollar, you get a fragrant hardboiled tea egg or a bag of steamed chickpeas and for about $2, fried snacks on a stick. But the pasar malam experience is not complete until you have tasted a Ramly burger – a delicious mixture of oozy fried egg, meat patty, cheese and sweet sauce sandwiched in a sesame seed bun.

Think of it as the Asian version of the sloppy joe. Speak to the burger vendor, get his number and you will never have to guess where to go for a Ramly burger when the stalls pack up and move on to their next location.

Zhuo yue. Translated word for word, the Chinese term literally means ‘sit-month’ – the period of post-natal convalescence that – archaic though it may sound – many modern Singaporean mothers, take quite seriously, though not literally. In fact, there is some science behind traditional confinement practices, although some cultural taboos may best be taken a little less seriously. But granny’s advice still sticks with many – for example, Indian women still try to shower between certain hours of the day, Chinese women go on a specially concocted diet and Malay women are strictly confined to the home.

THE LONG-WINDED STORY

While the practices sound dated, the raisond’être echoes the aim of conventional western medicine – to aid wound healing, repair the womb and prevent ailments during this period of low immunity. “Pregnancy puts the female body under stress. It also stretches the abdominal skin and muscles, and the pelvic floor muscles and tissues. The collagen tissues take four to six weeks to recover their elastic tone,” explained Dr Goh Shen Li, consultant of the department of Obstetrics & Gynaecology at KK Women’s & Children’s Hospital. In fact, right after giving birth, a woman’s uterus weighs 900g, up from its usual 100g, causing much dreaded post-natal bloat.

Traditionalists believe that women who don’t faithfully follow handeddown customs put themselves at risk of backaches, arthritis, rheumatism and incontinence.

Central to all these dire warnings is the concept of ‘wind’ – an idea extending across the Chinese, Malay and India cultures. The term refers to the idea of maintaining the body’s equilibrium during the delicate post-natal time. It is believed that a woman’s pores ‘open’ after labour so ‘wind’ can easily enter the body. For this reason, new Malay mothers are urged to only shower before 6pm and Indian mothers between 11am and 2pm when the sun is particularly sweltering. Strict Chinese adherents go as far as to avoid showering altogether or resorting to a special herbal shampoo made by confinement nannies.

Apart from ‘wind’, another thing that traditionalists in Singapore agree upon is the importance of staying indoors – the whole point of confinement. “This is not just because immunity is lower during this period,” explained Shahnaz Alkaff, a 31-year-old mother of two. “Women bleed for two weeks up to a month after delivery, and after bleeding, Muslim women believe we need to be cleansed so we shouldn’t step out till our bodies are cleansed.”

SPECIAL KNEADS

Caring for many Singaporean mums during the confinement period are confinement nannies who provide round-the-clock care for mother and baby. Some caregivers are so sought after that they are spoken about in the same hushed awe reserved for celebrity stylists. “Confinement ladies are booked eight months in advance because the good ones are hot property,” shared Tammy Tan, 33, a mother and homemaker. In the absence of a confinement nanny, a doting mother, mother-in-law or member of the extended family is usually at hand to offer their repository of knowledge and tender loving care.

In the Malay culture, this special treatment often takes the shape of daily massages believed to expel ‘wind’ and remove blood clots. Even Dr Goh approves. “Massaging the womb via the abdomen encourages contraction of the womb.” In Indian culture, the tactile treat is extended to babies. With mum, granny or auntie sitting on the floor, baby is cradled against her legs from knee to her ankle and bathed with warm water and ginger oil infused with special herbs. “The baby is given a massage to stretch the limbs and give dexterity. This is done every day for a month, and then continued by the parents until the baby grows to a size where it gets uncomfortable,” shared Lathikadevi Nair, vice president of a media company.

Central to all these dire warnings is the concept of ‘wind’.

ON THE MENU

As for food, there are strict rules to follow: Malay women avoid spicy food, eggs, shellfish and coconut milk, while Indian and Chinese mums are traditionally told to avoid drinking plain water. Thankfully, a variety of rich and nutritious substitutes come in. Lean white meat cooked in ginger, sesame oil and Chinese wine are staples on Chinese confinement menu, Malay women are treated to nourishing soups and Indian mothers indulge in rich sweets, drinks and stews. Red date tea is taken as an alternative to water for Chinese women and Malay mums drink jamu– a drink made with lemongrass and turmeric to ‘warm’ the body. Indian women traditionally replace water with garlic-infused milk. This enthusiasm to help new mums recuperate sometimes take on a relentless zeal, “I felt my confinement lady was force-feeding me,” laughed Tammy, “My meals were separate from the family and I had to finish expensive threadfin, meat stewed with ginger and tonic soup, so I got indigestion!”

THE TABOOS

CHINESE

Confinement period: 30 days

• Avoid crying or eyesight will deteriorate
• Avoid any exercise or exertion
• Avoid contact with water, the wind and cold

MALAY

Confinement period: 44 days

• Don’t injure one’s toes (they are believed to be connected to the uterus)
• Avoid squatting or the uterus will ‘drop’
• No reading or watching of television, to protect the eyes

INDIAN

Confinement period: 40 days

• No leaving the bedroom for two weeks after delivery
• No entering the prayer room
• No bathing unless with special herbs and only between 11am and 2pm

Eng Lan Lam, proprietor of Nanyang Old Coffee

When it comes to Singapore coffee – or kopi (pronounced as koh-pee) as the locals call it – it all boils down to the way the beans are prepared. Roasted with sugar and margarine, local coffee is dark, strong and retains the smooth caramel and butter character of its roasting companions. As with many other local delicacies, Malaysia’s robust blend is a close cousin. The latter however, is brewed from Liberica beans while Singapore’s is from a blend of Robusta and Arabica.

Kopi is also different from some international gourmet coffee, says Eng Lam Lim, proprietor of Nanyang Old Coffee because of the quantity of coffee in each serving. “The punch is there because we use a lot of Robusta. Cappuccino for example, is twenty percent of coffee and eighty percent of milk. For us, it’s eighty percent of coffee.”

The extra punch makes all the difference. Older Singaporeans will recall pouring their kopi from a thick-rimmed cup – designed to keep the coffee warm – into a saucer, so it can cool quickly enough for them to get their caffeine fix before they head to work. Besides the quaint-looking cup and saucer (often with floral designs), one other unique coffee paraphernalia is the coffee pot with a long spout.

“In other countries it used for flowering plants,” Eng says, laughing. “This makes the coffee easier to pour and it gives the tarik (pronounced tar-rake) or ‘pull’ effect which cools and mixes the drink. When you tarik, the sugar and the air mixes and the kopi actually tastes better.”

A good old cup of Kopi-O

The use of the ‘flower pot’ is traditional. And according to Lim, coffee machines are not used because they don’t allow for “a personal touch”. If you think the big coffee chains have a monopoly on variety, just see what local coffeeshops can do with just coffee, milk and sugar – and without even the whipped option (see below). If you go to a local coffee shop often enough, the tou chiu (pronounced tao-chew), the equivalent of a barista, will know just how like your kopi – and perhaps even the quintessential kopi companions of kaya toast (coconut jam served between toast, pronounced kah-yah) and soft-boiled eggs.

THE HISTORY OF LOCAL TRADITIONAL COFFEE

Early coffee shops in Singapore were run by Hainanese immigrants who learnt how to make coffee from the British. Coffee was then served with butter, either added to the coffee or eaten separately to soothe the throat and alleviate the ‘heatiness’ of the drink, linking back to the Chinese idea of yin and yang or ‘hot’ and ‘cool’ foods. The Hainanese roasted coffee beans with sugar – a process influenced by the Spanish. Coffee was then a luxury product but over time, coffee drinking became widespread and coffeeshop culture localised to its present form.

How to Order Local Traditional Coffee

The addendums also apply to Teh (tea) e.g. Teh-O